God Dialogue

In the midst of the trauma of the last five years of my life, I stopped talking to God.  I was overwhelmed with the darkness around me, and I struggled to see where God lived inside of it.  So I stopped the dialogue.  I didn’t question, I didn’t cry out. I simply stopped talking.  I do this in my life, I realize.  I stop or resist conversations that involve emotional risks.  I do not like to let others know they affect me.  But they do.  I.  Am. Affected.  So today I begin a God dialogue again…


It is time for me to be honest, to confess. I want to trust that you are working in all the crazy in my world, but I do not.  I do not trust that you are enough for me and that I will be chosen.  I find myself shaking my proverbial fist in the air and wondering where the hell you are.  Why did you give me this story?  Why do you keep letting it get worse?  When does the suffering turn into redemption?  When does the heartbreak turn into joy?  I begin this dialogue and I am struck that I sound needy and demanding, and I want to tamp that down and denounce it, but that is where I am.  I am in need of a Savior.  I need to be chosen. I am affected.  I am broken and lonely.  And I am starting the dialogue.  


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